My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
