Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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