Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
