He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
