Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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