I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
