I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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