I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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