from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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