If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
