I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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