Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
