i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
