I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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