hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
