I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
