He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
