Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
