wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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