Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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