Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
