You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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