Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I understand Curling. That high.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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