Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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