I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
