It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
