There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
