STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
