how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
