he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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