She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
