you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
