so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My penis needs a shock collar
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
