so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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