people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
