How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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