Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
