After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
