He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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