hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
