DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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