I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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