He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She bit a glass in half.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
