I seem to have left my pride at pride
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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