do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
