TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
