Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
