ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Randomize
