Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
