I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He felt like a one man threesome
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
