dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
