Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
