She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
