We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
